


Still better than Riley

by Bl4ckHunter



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Crack Fic, Humor, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:54:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29200176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bl4ckHunter/pseuds/Bl4ckHunter
Summary: One-shot story. Crack fic. Angel and Spike again clash regarding their differences until they remember that they are better than a certain pathetic soldier.
Relationships: Angel & Spike (BtVS)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Still better than Riley

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aragorn_II_Elessar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aragorn_II_Elessar/gifts), [Stand_with_Ward_and_Queen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stand_with_Ward_and_Queen/gifts).



> I got this from a conversation with Aragorn II Elessar. The end is inspired by his crack fic 'Seriously? Him?'
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Buffyverse.

Kate Lockley was at her desk, when Chloe Decker approached.

"What is it, Chloe?" Kate asked.

"We got a noise complaint in downtown. Someone's wrecking an abandoned building and yelling." Chloe explained.

"I'll get it." Kate said, picking her jacket.

* * *

The wall collapsed as Angel fell on the floor before Spike jumped through the hole.

"You know why I'm better than you? Because your name is derived from mine! William and Liam! You're beneath me!" Spike shouted.

"Drusilla sired you and I sired her, so I'm above you!" Angel yelled.

Both vampires were trading blows as Angel threw Spike through the wall as it crashed down upon him. "You tried to rape her, you think you're good for her?"

"I was soulless, you git!" Spike snarled as got up from the rubble and bashed Angel in the head with the bathroom sink, knocking him down. "And I fought to earn it! Angelus would never do that! Besides, you broke up with Buffy right before the prom! Plus, you fell in love with her, when she was sixteen! You don't think that's creepy?" He pointed out and Angel's eyes widened, realizing the creepiness of his own relationship with Buffy. "You know and here's another reason why I'm better for her! She was a cavewoman at one point! And I told you, cavemen are better!"

"What, you think cavemen would beat astronauts? Astronauts have muscles and brains and much better than cavemen!" Angel snarled as he dodged Spike's punch and slammed him to the ground. "They work together better, cavemen are just animals!"

Spike roared and started to punch Angel furiously. Angel blocked but Spike didn't relent, breaking through Angel's defenses and knocking him down.

"Buffy was a cavewoman once. Wanna tell her that?" Spike said and Angel paused, realizing he had him there. "Plus, at least she whacked the head of the classmate, who used her only for a one-night stand, alongside that other moron that followed you after you left, who punched him."

"Followed me…" Angel trailed off as he got up to his feet and then remembered. "Oh, that clean-shaven guy with straight hair, right?"

"Riley." Spike reminded.

"Yeah, Riley!" Angel nodded and snapped his fingers, remembering. "Oh, that guy was such a weirdo."

Spike nodded and laughed. "I know, right? I mean, what did she see in him?"

"I came back to Sunnydale and he was all like…" Angel stood in a firm position, mocking Riley, and said in a mock commanding tone. "'Now what could have happened that made you perfectly happy?'"

Spike and Angel burst into hysterical laughter, when Spike spoke up. "Oh, and there was this one time where he came to threaten me, and stabbed me with a plastic stake."

Both men burst into laughter again before Angel got ahold of himself, barely, trying to contain his laughter. "OK, if he wanted to threaten, then why come with a plastic stake?"

"That's what I'm bloody talking about!" Spike said as their laughter was heard in the entire neighborhood now. "And he cheated on Buffy with vampire whores in a Vampire whorehouse because he didn't feel needed enough!"

Their laughter increased, as they even banged the walls in between their laughter.

"So he got even more pathetic than when I'd met him!" Angel laughed, both of them now having their hands over each other's shoulders like old friends.

* * *

"What's going on?" Kate asked as she approached the police perimeter.

"I got no idea, Kate." The officer shook his head in confusion. "One moment we got noise complaint and it's like if someone put a wrecking ball inside the place, then we hear laughter like from two drunken buddies."

Kate recognized one of the voices and widened her eyes. No… it couldn't be…

* * *

"And then he was like, 'I saved you, Buffy! Why are you annoyed?'" Spike said as he and Angel continued laughing.

"Buffy said she wanted to talk to me alone, he didn't leave the room, so I and Buffy went out of the room." Angel said and both laughed hysterically again.

"Angel?" Kate stared in total bewilderment. Her old friend was first apparently fighting another vampire and tearing down the building, now they were laughing like idiots and a pair of drunks. "What's going on?"

"Oh… just remembering one pathetic…" Angel and Spike again burst into laughter, rolling down on the ground and holding themselves by their stomachs as Kate shook her head, wondering if Angel had lost his soul again or if he and Spike had been whammied by something magical like the Shroud of Rahmon and whether she should stake them both.

**Author's Note:**

> I know, Kate was fired from the force but in the follow-up comic books, she returned to her job as a cop. Plus, couldn't resist a little cameo of Chloe Decker from Lucifer.
> 
> Please review and let me know if you have enjoyed this one-shot.
> 
> With regards
> 
> Bl4ckHunter


End file.
